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Tuesday, 24 November 2009

  • Losing a significant other isn't an easy task to get use to, I don't think it will ever be easy. People say time will prove and heal the sorrow the pain that someone endures. I don't think it's possible for anyone to be like it's ok and move on with life, unless you find someone to fall in love with again.
    Losing the love of your life will never ever be the same again, meeting someone else will never be the same and that "other" person may never appear in life or make a difference in your life ever again. The love of your life is someone who will be with you forever and forever whether it's emotionally they are remembered in your heart or they are physically with you forever. I know Jay will be her with me till the very end of my life and I am happy to know that he will.
    I feel bad for Charlotte my 2nd cousin in Arizona she lost her husband the love of her life a couple months ago and is finding it very hard to just live everyday every hour and every second knowing that he will never come back to her. It's good to have two girls that she can rely on but she has to be very strong for them, if it wasn't for the girls I think physically she would of just collapsed, I know mentally she isn't strong after Scott left. I try to put myself in her shoes, and I cant even bear to think about it. It's very hard, it hurts I can't even imagined losing Jay in my life now.
    her facebook statuses changes almost daily only wishing Scott was here with her.

    I'm like her in one of her statues... I don't like alone time.. I want alone time to be with jay even if we're both doing different things in the same room. At least I still get to see him sitting right in front of me.

    "Charlotte Kaiden- Some people need alone time.I never did. My alone time was being alone with Scott. We did everything together,even to get his haircut. Kind of like those old married couples that go to the post office together. That was us. Sometimes the "alone time" was just being with our kids. That was the best. Now all I have is very alone time.I never wanted it. I'd rather be w/ Scott every second of the day, like it used to be"



Thursday, 12 November 2009

  • I had an amazing day today, even though I was really tired from walking. walking to and from the doctors and then walking to the doctors with Jay and then walking Murray, but it's a good exercise. My sweetie made really good lasagna for me too, I thought it was pretty good, but he didn't like the sauce that I picked so next time he has to pick then. While we were walking Murray I saw this really cute fluffy dog that I liked but the owner was so creepy, creepy people shouldn't get to have cute dogs lol.. that sound kind of mean but creepy people shouldn't do a lot of stuff yet they still do.
    Yesterday I was honestly really sad but he made my day so much better just talking to me and trying everything he can to make me feel better. After I talked to him on the phone for awhile, I felt so much better and the flowers really made me smile even when I was crying like crazy. I was crying for a good 2 hours and he made me better just by sending me flowers..
    The flowers came with a very cute and sweet message saying:

    "Babe, I love you more than anything on this planet. you make me feel like I could never do anything to jeopardize what we have, and I promise that I'll always try my best. Ne Fampe" ne fampe is his favorite word now lol he writes it everything once I've told him what it means. but its funny

    This message made me cry even though I was crying already, but after I read it my tears were happy tears for awhile then it went back to sad lol...but it was really sweet of him to write something like this. He is slowly opening up now which is great, seems like the journal is helping too which is good =)

    I just love this message

    Runs with Robots (12:54:47 PM):i do need you tiffany
    Runs with Robots (12:54:54 PM):i need you to be by my side for the rest of my life
    Runs with Robots (12:55:03 PM):without you i cant really see a point for being alive anymore
    Runs with Robots (12:55:11 PM):ur the only reason i'm even still in school
    Runs with Robots (12:55:38 PM):if it werent for you i'd be in afghanistan right now probably killing or being killed
    Runs with Robots (12:55:49 PM):you came into my life and gave me something to really work for
    Runs with Robots (12:56:03 PM):now all i thinka bout is getting a good job so i can buy us a home and start a family with you
    Runs with Robots (12:56:24 PM):no longer is my priority just causing pain and sufforing to people's familes by killing their people overseas
    Runs with Robots (12:56:43 PM):and if i lose you i know ill slip right back into that, hating everyone and everything
    Runs with Robots (12:57:07 PM):my parents will tell you, before i met you every other word out of my mouth was fuck this or i hate that or i hate them i want them to die
    Runs with Robots (12:57:10 PM):to just about anyone
    Runs with Robots (12:57:30 PM):and now that i have you i actually care about somone and its effecting me in more then just that way
    Runs with Robots (12:57:54 PM):i feel like you filled that missing part of my heart that was torn appart when i was a kid
    Runs with Robots (12:58:18 PM):without you im just an empty body that was filled with a mix of anger and self hatred
    Runs with Robots (12:58:35 PM):and that would just manifest in hurting others
    Runs with Robots (12:59:02 PM):i love you more then you could ever even hope to understand, but i just hope that i can make you feel a fraction of it

    Love you forever and forever

Monday, 09 November 2009

  • Last week was just wonderful but yesterday wasn't, I was so moody and upset because of stupid and my day with Jay just turned awful. The day was nothing like what I had in mind, but lately I feel like Jay has been caring too much. There are days that you can tell that he just cares about you but the past 2 or 3 days I haven't feel it, and it makes me sad. Like most girls I want to my boyfriend to take care of me and care about me and sometimes I feel that and sometimes I don't.
    i know he says like he'll do whatever it takes to make me happy but sometimes I feel like that's too much to ask for, I honestly don't know if he'll really will come if I need him to or want him too, I don't know whether or not he'll come and get me food or a hug. He came to the store once to give me a hug and that's was because I was really upset the day before and he had to go to school, I wonder sometimes if he he wasn't in downtown will he come all the way just to give me something like I'll drive all the way to drop off food for him at work and just give him a hug.
    I talked about this with him yesterday about meeting my needs and his, I always try to meet his needs and I usually do and sometimes he doesn't do that for me. It's hard to explain, I just feel like he doesnt understand me sometimes and I seem to understand him more than he thinks.
    Sometimes I feel like I can't tell him exactly how I feel because he deosnt seem to care sometimes, to me it definietly feels like I love him way too much and more than he loves me and it hurts to think that way too.

Monday, 02 November 2009

  • I've been having a wonderful week with Jay since I've got off he birth control pills. I'm not as moody yet I'm still very sensitive when it comes to him which is normal since being sensitive has always been one of my personalities. We've been having a good time a lot and a lot of fun time too which is amazing. Since our 1 year anniversary is getting closer, it just brings back memories of how I met him and what my first impression of him. Till this day that first impression never changed except I got to know him a little more. When I first saw him I knew I had a crush on him since he was really really cute, physical attraction is always the first thing but then his personality and his love for me made him a keeper. =D

    I just love hanging around with him, even when we don't do anything that's fine with me too just as long as he willing to hug me and cuddle with me. He will never get a complain from me then lol.

    Now I have to think what I should get him for Christmas and our one year anniversary. I remember him mentioning that he will be broke in February because there's so many things that is happening.
    1. It's our one year anni on Feb 7
    2. It's my birthday Feb 9
    3. It's Valentine's day---now that I have a boyfriend I do care about vday (before I didn't because there was no point lol)

    LOVE YOU MOST sweetie

    Today when I took the T today, stupid people got me really upset because when the T was at Hynes Convention a blind person with a service dog got on the T and no one near the door got up and gave the guy a seat. I was sitting down, but it wasn't closest to the door and since no one got up, I got up and told him he can sit in my seat and he said Thank You. It's sad that no one seems to do that nowadays, no one gets up and offer there seats for elderly, handicapped, and children. The guy got off at the same stop as me and the T driver almost closed the door right on him, luckily another guy and I caught the door on time or else the stupid door would of hurt the dog and the guy.
    People are just dumb that's it period.!!!!
    I feel like people don't know how to respect others now, I don't get how can people not get up at all or pretend that they don't see anything. I was exhausted from work and I got up and I was wearing high heels and doing stock for a long time. I'm not trying to make myself look good or anything but it's just sad that no one is willing to do it now. I just think if people aren't willing to give up their seat to handicapped people, elderly, and children they shouldn't ride the T.


Wednesday, 28 October 2009

  • Stressed

    I am extremely stressed today and it's not fun because it's really making my mood feel like shit. I really wanted to talk to Jay tonight but I didn't tell him that, I knew he wanted to play games. So I only talked to him a little bit well until 11 till he had to play games with the boys. It's a good relief for him after work, so I decided not to tell him. But later on I  got so stressed about school and everything else that I started crying.
    I just don't want to be an annoying and taking up all my boyfriend time lol  since he likes his alone time.
    But its 230am now its time for me to go to bed now.

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AznAngel29

  • Visit AznAngel29's Xanga Site
    • Name: Tiffany
    • Country: United States
    • State: Massachusetts
    • Birthday: 2/9/1988
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 10/17/2002

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  • If you smoke stay away from me unless ur my janey Unnie and Thai *not trying to be mean* but I don't like smoker~~ love making friends like to sing but just not in front of pple i dnt know to well shopping!!!! hanging out with my friends

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  • babiexD
    hey tiff! ^^ thx for adding
    • Posted 6/19/2006 3:59 AM
    • by babiexD