I haven't seen Jay since last Wed, and I finally get to see him tomorrow (technically later on today since its already 1am now). But today I spent the day with Bren, Heidi, Mrs. Salvador and of course Connie and Auntie Serena but I was mentioning Jay so much because Bren was asking about him and sometimes it just came up. I honestly can't help that and Bren was mentioning about Bernie too, but I guess it's hard when this special someone is in your life already and it's just very difficult not to mention him.
But it's been so long since I've saw him and it just makes me miss him, but honestly sometimes I think I don't know if he feels the same way.
He is having some finance issue now because he isn't getting enough money from work and he is running low on money. But everybody goes through that and he is really stress about that now, and he wants to take on another job but I don't see him a lot already. I have a feeling that if he gets another job I feel like I won't see him at all, I'm not trying to selfish at all but I do want him have another job. I do want him to have money, but it's tough just not being able to see him and that bothers me.
But sometimes when he says certain stuff it gets me sad like dying and just leaving, it gives me this feeling that he doesn't care and he can be leaving me anytime which I don't want. It just gives most girlfriends a feeling that the one you love might just leave and my heart just stinks to the bottom and I don't know what to feel anymore, besides being frightened and losing him. I have to be honest sometimes it makes me want to cry but I have never cried in front of him yet, and I haven't told him how I felt about that. I know sometimes he is joking but I guess it just gets me nervous. It's just very hard trying to put it into words, I can't even really describe the feeling, it's just being scared and my biggest fear now is to lose him. I don't want to lose Jay for any reason and him leaving me for any reasons. I don't want him to leave.
It's been 4 months since I've been dating this guy and I'm very happy that our relationship is going so well =), thinking about him always bring a smile to me whether what my mood is already.
Comments (4)
i know the feeling. now imagine if he told you he'd never leave you. that would make you feel SO much better doesn't it? ... alas, thats what i'm looking for :D since i'm willing to say that and totally mean it. but to find a girl who can do the same... it's close to impossible. relationships goes through ups and downs but it's when it's at its downs that really put it to the test :D it makes it that much more worth it when relationships rush to the top again :D
@theguynearu - I know he tells me that all the time, but sometimes it's just tough but I know he wouldn't leave me. At least from what he says, but I trust him it's just that fear that you get sometimes inside of you. But that's again, but we've been doing good lately...actually all the time so honestly I'm not really worry in a way I guess. I don't know hard to explain
three words: suck it up. =)
@eViLxSaGa - stop being mean to me